The Alternative Marketing Glossary

A/B Testing

You’re weak willed, callow and too indecisive to pick a favourite lest it’s the wrong decision. So you Teflon the responsibility to the data science team.

B2C Marketing

You think you’re cooler than those B2B SaaS folks, but you’re exactly the same, just paid less

Churn

The sick feeling you get when presenting a third consecutive negative month to the Board

Design

A thankless task that would be made significantly more efficient, effective and painless with the removal of clients

Econometrics

A word you’ll likely use once, and once only, in your interview with absolutely no clue as to what it means or does

Forecast

An absolute, unmitigated and defendable guess, deployed with confidence by anyone with something to hide

GDPR

An ineffective and unpoliceable EU regulation designed to protect your data. TL;DR — it doesn’t

Happiness

The moment your payoff payment lands after yet another sould-destroying redundancy (the average tenure for CMO’s is now 17 months…)

Integrated Marketing

The other thing you drop into your interview when discussing experience. It’s code to suggest you know everything, which obviously you don’t